


a confession

by aislingthebard



Category: Enderal (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 10:31:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9487310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aislingthebard/pseuds/aislingthebard
Summary: a confession in the middle of the night





	

“You’re awake.” Jespar moved beneath the blankets and Calliope felt a hand on her cheek. In the dim light of the cabin she could barely see his face, but his fingers were warm and steady on her skin. He sounded as sleepy as she felt and the steady humming of the airship made her drowsy. With the darkness surrounding them she’d lost any impression of time.

“Have been for a while.” Sleep had never come to easy to her. Childhood should have been full of dreams and the hope of a bright future and for her it was all about fearing falling asleep and awaking to a yelling father, a crying mother. Some things just never left you, no matter how hard you tried.

Calliope closed her eyes and pressed her lips against Jespar’s hand. 

She felt him smile.

“Couldn’t sleep? You should stop with all that worrying. Makes you age faster and fills your face with wrinkles.” Always quick on the jests and yet Calliope heard his concern beneath the joking.

“Ha-ha. I just have a lot on my mind.” She opened her eyes and saw that Jespar had come closer. Now their bodies almost touched and the heat of them raised goosebumps on her back.

“Hm, want to share?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. You have to promise me that you won’t think me stupid, though.” Calliope blushed and cursed herself. They’d shared far more than stories and secrets. Her neck and lower back showed some slight bruising. 

The aftermath of a first time.

Why did her tongue feel like lead then? All dry and too thick and stuck to her gums. 

Sensing her doubts, he put an arm around her waist. “I would never do that. You’re smart.” Jespar kissed her shoulders. “And very beautiful.”

Calliope decided that maybe she would never leave this cabin again. The world outside seemed cruel and cold, while being with Jespar offered a sense of warmth she’d thought impossible. Being near him was like using magic, intoxicating, addicting, putting her in control for once in her life, making her happy.

Her heart beat drummed in her ears.

“I’ve never been in love.” There. 

Sure, she’d read about love, found the poems and the stories to be too cliche for her taste and her mother had laughed at her for daring to think about such a triviality. There had been no love in her life, there wouldn’t be love in her daughters either. All those times, Calliope had watched people falling in and out of love, kissing, hugging, whispering secrets to each other. She’d been a freak because of her heritage and because of her inability to feel more than friendship, to trust someone with her everything. 

He didn’t laugh, but stilled his movements. Calliope knew about his past and what happened with the last woman, who dared to care about him. It’d be silly to imagine that it hadn’t tainted his view on everything.

Jespar’s breath tickled her skin with every word.

“You haven’t? What about that Sirius person?” Hearing him use that name was wrong. Just so so wrong. Sirius deserved peace and a part of herself, which she would never let go. She’d kissed and hugged him and everything was wrong and just off. Sometimes, a friendship offered more than an affair. 

“You know about him?” 

“You talk in your sleep, fair one.” Oh. She didn’t know about that.

Jespar’s hand drew slow circles on her lower back. Maybe he tried to make her comfortable.

Calliope pressed her lips together, ignoring the lump in her throat. Voicing her thoughts was still so hard and nearly impossible. “No. It … it was complicated. We were friends, never lovers. He stayed with me through all the shit and pain and fate decided against us. We simply had no time left.”

His death haunted her dreams. At times, her waking hours. Why hadn’t the hooded woman saved him? Why had she been chosen? Did she deserve to live and love, while he lay in a wet grave? Nothing in life was ever fair. Maybe they’d become lovers in another time and life. After everything she’d seen on her journey, Calliope wouldn’t be surprised.

“You sound sad.” 

“I am.” Crying would be so childish and she urged herself to be thankful to be near Jespar and to feel his touch. She’d been granted a second chance and tears would poison it.

Jespar traced the outlines of her face with his thumb, as if trying to remember her features. A gesture so gentle that it was unlike him. “I’ll stay with you. I promise.”

Calliope put her hand on his. “I love you.”


End file.
